I think most people fail to discover just how much power they have. Saying no is one of the most powerful things that any of us can do.
I became aware that I was gay in the mid-70s at the same time that Anita Bryant was launching a nationwide movement against homosexuals. I kept my head down for most of my young life because of fear. But one thing that I knew about myself was that being gay was a small part of who I was.
I knew that I was a conservative before I knew I was gay and an affinity and passion for news and information aided me to discover who I am and what I believed.
My first vote in an election was for President Reagan, and I adored him.
In college, I read President Nixon’s memoir, wrote to him, and he responded. So I knew which side I was on.
The beginning of the AIDS scare kept me, as Princess Diana of herself, tidy. That self restraint helped me find within myself a different kind of strength.
As I ventured out into the world of gay bars and socializing with gay folks it was evident to me that it wasn’t a meaningful life and I found the whole drag thing very sad.
When the gay movement became so overtly political and aligned itself with the Democrat party, I was done. I might be gay, but there was no way in hell that I would ever support those monsters.
One of the greatest gifts that my mother ever gave me was to take me to Sunday school as a child. Although I had a really tough time reconciling my gay self to God’s love, eventually I stopped doubting and embraced that no matter how flawed I might be or what anyone may think of me, if I believed how much I was loved, no one could touch me or break me down.
I believe that gay people without God can be some of the most deviant and destructive people on this earth. There is a particular viciousness and cruelty that gay people can inflict on themselves, and those around them, and I think so often it’s all a act to conceal their self-doubt and lack of self-worth.
You, my friend, have found an understanding that transcends identity and may you continue to be embraced and appreciated.
By the way…the Auntie Mame reference was brilliant! Rosalind Russell’s voice is one of my favorites in film.
When you accept how loved you are, it is inevitable that you understand how loved everyone else is as well. As you love other people, the last thing that you want to do is hurt them. In the absence of an understanding of your own value it’s very difficult to discover how valuable every life is.
Well said! Youthful exploration is necessary, especially if our round pegs don't fit in society's square holes. But, to be emotionally and mentally flogged and tied down with Lilliputian tiny rules is a very sad outcome of the Gay and Lesbian Rights movement. You have been robbed of your legitimate history, but now you have found the crumbs of the trail. So many lesbians and gays have passed who fought for liberation, it's essential that your generation remembers. You are an excellent writer, and I hope for your healing and well being in all ways. You got your head on straight!
This is sensational. I had to stop and take some deep breaths between each section.
I have been called a 'Pick Me Gay' so thank you for explaining what it means! From one Rebel Gay to another: thank you so much for writing this. I will quote and share endlessly.
Bravo! I was an inside-outsider of the Cult before you were born, and witnessed, experienced everything you described! I Sashayed Away from it Long ago! It is So much better being a card-carrying member of Rebel Gays...the Sane ones!
Mikey...I will say this on my Twitter page and tag you in it but I want to also say it here. This has got to be one of the best, most thoughtful, and most soul bearing essays that I have read in a long time, regardless of subject. I always knew you were talented but my God !!! This is SO GOOD !!! Congratulations sir...and I look forward to many more thoughtful and humorous essays from you. Just remember us little people when you are out there signing autographs on the book tours. LOL
I had to come back and read it a second time Mike, that is how much I'm impacted by your words. This really speaks so much light and truth into the dark spaces of our society today.
I mean, homosexuals are supposedly roughly 3% of the population. I certainly don't have enough in common with 3% of the remaining 97% of heterosexuals to consider them my community. Hell, in a population of 8 billion people, I'd be astounded to find out that I liked even .0001% of them. (Assuming I worked that out correctly, that's 8,000 people.) And I can just about *guarantee* I wouldn't like them if all we could talk about was who we liked to fuck.
Why should you? There are so many more interesting things than who I want to bang!
It reminded me a bit of Freddie Mercury's experience in the film "Bohemian Rhapsody". Not a great film, but it clearly showed that Freddie's experience with the "gay community" nearly destroyed him. It used him, exploited him, and did not love him. Only at the end, when he found his way back to those that truly loved and accepted him - his ex-wife, his bandmates - that he could accept himself and leave himself open to a real relationship. That relationship was handled quickly - seemingly "thrown in" at the end of the film - but the man he lived to the end of his life with was introduced into the film as someone that had no time for the "gay lifestyle" and wanted a true relationship. He gave Freddie another signal that is was fine to step away from the unloving community and re-embrace his true friends and loves.
Awesome. This is another in what I've been calling "one of Holly's bangers."
The early section reminded me of something a very based transwoman (Erin Smith) I know says, "Politics is downstream of culture."
And from the many gay friends I've had over the years, the most interesting thing about them has never been their sexuality (or their race, religion, ethnicity, astrological sign, etc.)
The two gay couples I'm closest with are basically trad-con in every way except for their sexuality. If I told you everything about them except for their genders you wouldn't know they were "gay."
That's called being a grownup and not being defined by one small aspect of your life. It's kind of like someone taking their profession much too seriously and waving it around like an idol to be worshipped. Very strange, immature nonsense.
Matt & I read this together last night. It took us quite a while to finish. There are many thought provoking gems throughout this article. We stopped reading many times to let your words marinate in our minds. Thank you for your honesty and grit. You have keen insight and great passion. Hugs - Greta Money
Mike, I first became aware of you thank's to Josh Slocum's 'Disaffected' show. Much of your piece mirrors my early experience of gay-world in the 90s. As you point out, its anything but a 'community' in the sense of mutual support and obligation that word should imply (I must take exception to your spelling though - following Josh Slocum's peerless enunciation, it should be spelled 'kee-myoon-ideee'). With high hopes, I joined (don't laugh) GLASS - the Gay & Lesbian Academics, Students and Staff in my last undergrad year of university expecting a warm welcome from supportive people. What I got was a room full of judgemental, bitter queens on the male side. The women seemed OK, so glass half full ... Things didn't improve when I ventured out to the clubs, moved to the 'fruit loop' (the gay 'village' in the city I lived in at the time) and began to immerse myself in that world. Like you, I tried so hard to fit in. The fact I was so insecure in my 20s just made things worse. When I approached 30, I began to back off from it all and, again like you, stopped trying to dress and act like all the empty vessels I was so desperate to have as friends. That was almost 30 years ago and, while I've occasionally been sucked back into proximity with the shallow end of gay 'culture' and politics you profile so well, I've managed to back off when its mask begins to slip. I'm 57 now and was lucky enough to meet a man when I turned 50 who's not so much appalled as bewildered by it all and as turned off by it as I am. He's a keeper, that's for sure. None of this is to say I didn't meet kind, genuine people in the gay 'kee-myoon-idee' when I was a younger man - I did but didn't value them enough at the time. I messed up at least one potential relationship with worthwhile men because they didn't fit with the ideal I thought I should have been looking for back then. As you say, we often need these regrets to open our eyes to truly worthwhile people. There is no gay let alone 'LGBTQ+WTF?LOL++' community. There is a demographic of same-sex attracted men and women who don't necessarily have anything else in common. Count me in with the 'Pick Me' gays too, please!
This confuses me a bit as I associate status seeking A-gay establishment types as an entirely different breed from the rainbow haired alphabet types, who consider themselves to be outsiders.
Oh, Mike, I'm not even done reading yet but I have to tell you how true this all is, and how glad I am that you wrote it. I'm with you on this.
He even said "kuhmyoonities", which made me think of you Josh!
LOL!
The most insufferable thing about the Left, imho, is their absolute lack of a sense of humor!
You and Mike both have humor in spades, which is a requirement for friends in my book.
~Granny Panties
Wow man, you have found your power.
I loved every word I read.
I think most people fail to discover just how much power they have. Saying no is one of the most powerful things that any of us can do.
I became aware that I was gay in the mid-70s at the same time that Anita Bryant was launching a nationwide movement against homosexuals. I kept my head down for most of my young life because of fear. But one thing that I knew about myself was that being gay was a small part of who I was.
I knew that I was a conservative before I knew I was gay and an affinity and passion for news and information aided me to discover who I am and what I believed.
My first vote in an election was for President Reagan, and I adored him.
In college, I read President Nixon’s memoir, wrote to him, and he responded. So I knew which side I was on.
The beginning of the AIDS scare kept me, as Princess Diana of herself, tidy. That self restraint helped me find within myself a different kind of strength.
As I ventured out into the world of gay bars and socializing with gay folks it was evident to me that it wasn’t a meaningful life and I found the whole drag thing very sad.
When the gay movement became so overtly political and aligned itself with the Democrat party, I was done. I might be gay, but there was no way in hell that I would ever support those monsters.
One of the greatest gifts that my mother ever gave me was to take me to Sunday school as a child. Although I had a really tough time reconciling my gay self to God’s love, eventually I stopped doubting and embraced that no matter how flawed I might be or what anyone may think of me, if I believed how much I was loved, no one could touch me or break me down.
I believe that gay people without God can be some of the most deviant and destructive people on this earth. There is a particular viciousness and cruelty that gay people can inflict on themselves, and those around them, and I think so often it’s all a act to conceal their self-doubt and lack of self-worth.
You, my friend, have found an understanding that transcends identity and may you continue to be embraced and appreciated.
By the way…the Auntie Mame reference was brilliant! Rosalind Russell’s voice is one of my favorites in film.
I love this Davz, I am a Christian who has so much love in my heart for gay individuals.
I love how you've reconciled yourself to God's love. I would love to hear more about that.
I want to see everyone reconciled to God, to live a fuller, deeper and more meaningful lives.
I'm one of those people who loves to share good things. And I hope for the best outcomes for everybody.
When you accept how loved you are, it is inevitable that you understand how loved everyone else is as well. As you love other people, the last thing that you want to do is hurt them. In the absence of an understanding of your own value it’s very difficult to discover how valuable every life is.
Well said! Youthful exploration is necessary, especially if our round pegs don't fit in society's square holes. But, to be emotionally and mentally flogged and tied down with Lilliputian tiny rules is a very sad outcome of the Gay and Lesbian Rights movement. You have been robbed of your legitimate history, but now you have found the crumbs of the trail. So many lesbians and gays have passed who fought for liberation, it's essential that your generation remembers. You are an excellent writer, and I hope for your healing and well being in all ways. You got your head on straight!
amazing and spot on piece! thanks for sharing
This is sensational. I had to stop and take some deep breaths between each section.
I have been called a 'Pick Me Gay' so thank you for explaining what it means! From one Rebel Gay to another: thank you so much for writing this. I will quote and share endlessly.
Bravo! I was an inside-outsider of the Cult before you were born, and witnessed, experienced everything you described! I Sashayed Away from it Long ago! It is So much better being a card-carrying member of Rebel Gays...the Sane ones!
Mikey...I will say this on my Twitter page and tag you in it but I want to also say it here. This has got to be one of the best, most thoughtful, and most soul bearing essays that I have read in a long time, regardless of subject. I always knew you were talented but my God !!! This is SO GOOD !!! Congratulations sir...and I look forward to many more thoughtful and humorous essays from you. Just remember us little people when you are out there signing autographs on the book tours. LOL
I had to come back and read it a second time Mike, that is how much I'm impacted by your words. This really speaks so much light and truth into the dark spaces of our society today.
I hope it goes viral!!
Love you schmoops!
Granny
I mean, homosexuals are supposedly roughly 3% of the population. I certainly don't have enough in common with 3% of the remaining 97% of heterosexuals to consider them my community. Hell, in a population of 8 billion people, I'd be astounded to find out that I liked even .0001% of them. (Assuming I worked that out correctly, that's 8,000 people.) And I can just about *guarantee* I wouldn't like them if all we could talk about was who we liked to fuck.
Why should you? There are so many more interesting things than who I want to bang!
Excellent piece. Thank you!
It reminded me a bit of Freddie Mercury's experience in the film "Bohemian Rhapsody". Not a great film, but it clearly showed that Freddie's experience with the "gay community" nearly destroyed him. It used him, exploited him, and did not love him. Only at the end, when he found his way back to those that truly loved and accepted him - his ex-wife, his bandmates - that he could accept himself and leave himself open to a real relationship. That relationship was handled quickly - seemingly "thrown in" at the end of the film - but the man he lived to the end of his life with was introduced into the film as someone that had no time for the "gay lifestyle" and wanted a true relationship. He gave Freddie another signal that is was fine to step away from the unloving community and re-embrace his true friends and loves.
Awesome. This is another in what I've been calling "one of Holly's bangers."
The early section reminded me of something a very based transwoman (Erin Smith) I know says, "Politics is downstream of culture."
And from the many gay friends I've had over the years, the most interesting thing about them has never been their sexuality (or their race, religion, ethnicity, astrological sign, etc.)
The two gay couples I'm closest with are basically trad-con in every way except for their sexuality. If I told you everything about them except for their genders you wouldn't know they were "gay."
That's called being a grownup and not being defined by one small aspect of your life. It's kind of like someone taking their profession much too seriously and waving it around like an idol to be worshipped. Very strange, immature nonsense.
Good work!
🙏
“Pride is Shame’s Cloak.”
William Blake,
the marriage of heaven and hell.
I will be sharing this.
We need more voices like yours! Great piece! Stay strong!
Matt & I read this together last night. It took us quite a while to finish. There are many thought provoking gems throughout this article. We stopped reading many times to let your words marinate in our minds. Thank you for your honesty and grit. You have keen insight and great passion. Hugs - Greta Money
Mike, I first became aware of you thank's to Josh Slocum's 'Disaffected' show. Much of your piece mirrors my early experience of gay-world in the 90s. As you point out, its anything but a 'community' in the sense of mutual support and obligation that word should imply (I must take exception to your spelling though - following Josh Slocum's peerless enunciation, it should be spelled 'kee-myoon-ideee'). With high hopes, I joined (don't laugh) GLASS - the Gay & Lesbian Academics, Students and Staff in my last undergrad year of university expecting a warm welcome from supportive people. What I got was a room full of judgemental, bitter queens on the male side. The women seemed OK, so glass half full ... Things didn't improve when I ventured out to the clubs, moved to the 'fruit loop' (the gay 'village' in the city I lived in at the time) and began to immerse myself in that world. Like you, I tried so hard to fit in. The fact I was so insecure in my 20s just made things worse. When I approached 30, I began to back off from it all and, again like you, stopped trying to dress and act like all the empty vessels I was so desperate to have as friends. That was almost 30 years ago and, while I've occasionally been sucked back into proximity with the shallow end of gay 'culture' and politics you profile so well, I've managed to back off when its mask begins to slip. I'm 57 now and was lucky enough to meet a man when I turned 50 who's not so much appalled as bewildered by it all and as turned off by it as I am. He's a keeper, that's for sure. None of this is to say I didn't meet kind, genuine people in the gay 'kee-myoon-idee' when I was a younger man - I did but didn't value them enough at the time. I messed up at least one potential relationship with worthwhile men because they didn't fit with the ideal I thought I should have been looking for back then. As you say, we often need these regrets to open our eyes to truly worthwhile people. There is no gay let alone 'LGBTQ+WTF?LOL++' community. There is a demographic of same-sex attracted men and women who don't necessarily have anything else in common. Count me in with the 'Pick Me' gays too, please!
Apols for the typo in 'thanks'. Oh for an edit function.
This confuses me a bit as I associate status seeking A-gay establishment types as an entirely different breed from the rainbow haired alphabet types, who consider themselves to be outsiders.